I Do. Need new stuff.

Posted by: , January 9, 2009 in 12:11 pm


I have a proposal to make. 

You see this morning, as I was drying off with my blue and white gingham towel—a vintage piece from the pre-incarcerated Martha Stewart for Kmart Collection—something occurred to me.  My baby soft towel and all of its worn-through goodness was a wedding present. 

From Michael’s grandparents.  Who have both been dead for close to a decade.

So, here is what I’m thinking:  Showers for Married People.Yep!  I propose that every ten years we married folks get treated to an ever-increasingly awesome wedding shower.  Note, I did not say bridal shower, I said…wedding.  ‘Cause hey, the hubbies need stuff, too.  I know Michael would not mind a new Dewalt cordless drill.  Or, perhaps filters for the Shop-Vac.

Here is what I’m thinking…

Every ten years we married people get to go into our favorite store—whether it’s Wal-Mart or Williams Sonoma—and we get to register for all that stuff A.)  we never got at the first shower or B.) has become worn out or used up!

For example:  Let’s say you received a really great set of sleek black Farberware utensils at your first bridal shower.  Sure, you promised yourself you were going to take care of them just like the manufacturer suggested.  What?  You melted the spatula back in 1996?  

Here is your chance to get a new set.  Better yet, forget Farberware—register for both the silicone and the stainless steel Calphalon utensil sets!

Now, about that towel.  When the frayed edges of your bath towel hook onto your ear and threaten to yank out your delicate gold hoops…it is time to replace it, my friend.  Just think…if my Showers for Married People idea catches on, we could all replace our mundane towels with plush, luxurious Egyptian cotton.  Let’s face it: towels and bed sheets are rarely replaced.  If I can buy a new J. Crew sweater versus new post-incarceration Martha Stewart for Kmart Collection towels, which am I going to buy?

So, let’s all agree to mull this over.  I think I am onto something here and I am pretty sure you all agree.  Maybe next week I will discuss Adolescent Showers—a shower to help parents of teenagers pay for all those gadgets and cell phone minutes.  Why should new moms get all the showering? 


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