Dusty Disused Brain

Posted by: , January 22, 2009 in 2:38 pm

I have been laid off.  According to my son, he will pay me “seven dollars” as a severance.  After informing me of this, he added, “And then I’ll close the door on your feet.”

You are probably wondering what I did to deserve such an impersonal shove off, eh?  Well, the whole issue started when our four-year-old inquired, “What’s laid off?”  Whilst in this economic downturn, he hears the term ‘laid off’ quite a bit.  I suppose his curiosity finally got the best of him.Michael and I briefly explained to him what it means to be laid off from one’s job.  We also pointed out the differences between being fired and being laid off.  And, after having a particularly difficult day of stay-at-home mommery, I joked, “I hope you don’t lay me off.” 

Well, he did.

I can’t say I don’t deserve it.  Last week I managed to boil two kettles of water and then promptly left the house…without putting tea bags in them.  No iced tea for us!  I often walk into rooms and wonder why I am there.  I write notes that say, “COFFEE,” and leave the house.  I return hours later and did I buy the coffee?  No.

I know I used to have a brain.  In fact, I was going through all of my graduate school papers the other night.  I received grades of 100% on sixty-page research papers.  ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.  That is friggin’ perfect.  Zero error.  My work was published in educational research journals!  I had a brain.

Now, I come back to my washing machine after twenty minutes to discover the cycle never started.  Why?  I never put down the lid.  I open my pantry and sit a half-gallon of cold milk on the shelf, while turning to put the Apple Jacks in the refrigerator.  Duh.  Oh, and on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Day, who was checking her mailbox every hour?  Yea.  Me.  Did I mention my step-dad is a mailman and I was well aware of the fact he had the day off because it was MLK Day?


Yesterday I took Ben grocery shopping.  I had three $ 1.00 coupons for Campbell’s Soup that I did not even need.  They were going to expire and hey…a dollar is a dollar.  So, I bought six cans of soup.  And, when we got home the three coupons I tucked into the hood of Ben’s coat came fluttering out, falling to my kitchen floor.  What?  Am I an idiot?  Who relinquishes their coupons to the nylon hoodie on a four-year-olds winter coat?  What was I thinking?  And you know the worst part… 

I don’t even have room to store the damned soup because there are two half-gallon jugs of lukewarm milk in my pantry.


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