Who The Hell Am I?

Posted by: , April 18, 2009 in 11:44 am


When she met me I had a Mohawk.

Now…

I have hair on my shoulders.

When she met me I was playing hockey.

Now…

I am speed walking on the treadmill.When she met me I was listening to Heavy Metal on my turntable.Now…

I’m listening to Hannah Montana in my Mini Van.

When she met me I was taking Hallucinogenic mushrooms.

Now…

I’m taking Prilosec.

When she met me I was sexy.

Now…

I’m sexless.

When she met me I owned a black light.

Now…

I own a night light.

When she met me I drank beer from a funnel.

Now…

I add Metamucil to my orange juice.

When she met me I watched Monster movies.

Now…

I watch Monsters Inc.

When she met me I didn’t lift the seat when I peed.

Now…

I just sit down.

When she met me I was getting into fights.

Now…

I can’t get out of them.

When she met me I knew nothing about the opposite sex.

Now…

I know way too much.

When she met me I thought I was going to change the world.

Now…

I’m changing diapers.

When she met me I had dreams of traveling.

Now…

I want to stay home.

When she met me she couldn’t keep her hands off of me.

Now…

It’s simply, “Get off of me!”

When she met me I was a hopeless romantic.

Now…

I’m plain hopeless.

Who the fuck am I? Have you ever asked yourself that question amidst all the madness unfolding around you? Have I changed that much or has the scenery around me just changed? When you peel away the layers of the onion is it really that same person on the inside? No it’s not. But don’t be fooled. Just because you ride a tandem bicycle with a purple bell and a kid seat, doesn’t mean you’re not cool. Just because you get up in the middle of the night 3 times to pee** and you wear those Mike Brady pajamas doesn’t make you any less of a tiger in the sack. Just because you tuck your shirt into your corduroys and wear British Knights doesn’t mean that you’re not sexy. All you have to do is look into the eyes of your kid and you know that being a good man is what really counts. All you have to do is hear the words “I love you” from the one that it matters most and you feel sexy again. In the end the only one that you need to impress is the person you see when you look into the mirror every morning. Being a husband and a Dad is sometimes a pain in the ass and it’s not always glamorous but it’s more rewarding that any words in any blog can ever describe.

I love and adore being Out-Numbered…

** If you are getting up in the middle of the night 3 or more times to pee then you should probably go see some sort of pee Doctor or something. I’m just sayin’. Or it might be too much caffeine during the day. Good luck with that.

 


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