Sex While Pregnant

Posted by: , July 4, 2009 in 10:53 am

First, I must apologize for being MIA. After I got knocked up?everything took a backseat… Even my nails. I’m 7 months along now and?will use this entry to reflect on Sex While Pregnant, or SWP. SWP?shouldn’t be confused with its neighbors, DWI or DUI. It’s not illegal?or immoral although it is rare. Just kidding. OK, I’m not. I’ve heard?there are women who are more turned on when impregnated. I’m not one?of them.

When I’m pregnant I don’t picture myself as a glowing chalice of life.?I’m a slothful albeit cute, carrier of a being who often confuses my?ribs for drums and my bladder for a downy pillow. During my second?trimester I pee when I laugh or sneeze. Sexy, right?

There are a million reasons not to feel sexy or have sex while?pregnant but one huge reason why you should: it’ll only get harder?after the baby. I don’t know about you but my kids come out of my?vagina, often leaving it sore for weeks. They also trigger a strange?chemical reaction that causes a white, liquid substance to produce in?amazing quantities right in my breasts leaving them humongous and?tender to the touch for at least half a month.

Doesn’t it make sense to get in all the sex you can now?

There are only a few things you need to make sex a possibility while?pregnant. Read slowly:

7 Tips to Avoid an Abstinent 9 Months

1. Invest in some nice maternity clothes. If you look nice, you’ll?feel like a human instead of a carrier.

2. Get a manicure and pedicure every 3 weeks, every month at the most. ?I know we’re in a “recession” but you’re stimulating the economy with?that $15.

3. While out an about getting that mani/pedi, get your hair blown out.

4. Buy new sheets and wash them often. There is NOTHING unsexier than?going to bed with your kids’ Honey Nut Cheerios.

5. Exercise. Just kidding.

6. Let the house get messy but keep your bedroom clutter free.

7. Cancel your Cosmo subscription. Those skinny bitches will piss you off.

It is possible to have a pregnancy that includes the occasional roll?in the hay. Have more tips? Send to

xox SATS


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