My French Nanny

Posted by: , October 15, 2009 in 8:37 am

sexandthesippy 12 My French NannySo, I hired the French nanny. I know I said I wasn’t going to for the sake of being the queen of my domain or something but my kid likes her, mama needs to work, and…I can’t remember my last excuse. I did get my hair done and have been paying close attention to my wardrobe to make myself feel better about the decision. I’ve decided she is not a real threat. Vegans don’t steal husbands and anyway, she’s totally sweet. Part of me thinks she might be an angel. An angel would never eat meat or consume dairy products so my theory makes sense.On another note, my new baby is here! I’m lucky to suffer from body dysmorphic disorder that makes me feel thinner than I actually am . I’m almost 3 weeks post partum and can feel my yoga mat beckoning for me to do all kinds of pilates moves on its rubbery surface. Maybe I’ll ask my French nanny for tips. Perhaps we can discuss it all over a chocolate croissant.

I’m acutely aware of every moment that I get closer to the 6 week post partum-you’re-allowed-to-have-sex mark. It’s nice to be sexually unavailable. Sad, right? There’s no pressure for me to take a shower before bed or shave my legs. I’m just a milk machine, a refrigerator with emotions. The thought of a penis coming anywhere near me just seems completely ridiculous and incomprehensible right now as I wake up every 3 hours to feed wiggling bundle of cuteness (who happens to grunt like a 65 year-old Polish man grinding meat). Lingerie? Ahaha. I’ve been wearing the same bra for going on three days now and have justified it with the fact that I HAVE changed my nursing pads regularly. Sexy.

On deeper, more philosophical note, Yom Kippur was yesterday. Jewish people like myself (I converted this year) and my husband fasted in order to turn their hearts to heaven and ask for forgiveness. As a newly nursing mom, fasting for me was out of the question. I didn’t even entertain the idea. I did decide not to eat sweets though. The whole day got me thinking. Is fasting really for women? I’m a mother. My soul is afflicted every day of the year. You don’t have to teach a mom how to deprive herself. I don’t even feel the urge to pee anymore because I’ve ignored it so many times for the sake of a child, laundry, etc. At around 7 PM I remember that I haven’t peed all day and let the Ganges River flow out of my body into the forgotten toilet. No, mothers don’t need to fast. We’ve got the whole “deprivation” thing down.

More thoughts on religion, nannies, and Polish men next time.

xox SATS


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