Tissues on the Train

Posted by: , May 16, 2010 in 10:10 am

outnumbered38 Tissues on the TrainSomewhere but not here…

Out-Numbered – I think this is your room.

Daughter – 238 right?

Out-Numbered – That’s what the paper says.

Daughter – Where’s the key?

Out-Numbered – I thought you took it.

Daughter – No Dad, you were supposed to take it.

Out-Numbered – I’ll call your Mother. Maybe she has it.

Daughter – Dad! I can’t believe you.

Out-Numbered – I’m just kidding baby. I have it right here.

Daughter – Dad. You’re so annoying.

Out-Numbered – Here. Open the door already. This duffel bag weighs a ton.

Daughter – One minute.

Out-Numbered – Jeez. How many hair dryers do you have in here?

Daughter – Stop it.

She opens the door. The room is empty except for two single beds on either side, a small three draw dresser at the foot of each bed and a large open closet that goes from floor to ceiling. It smells like 1988. I see my daughter’s face and she seems a bit tentative.

Out-Numbered – What?

Daughter – Nothing.

Out-Numbered – What’s wrong?

Daughter – Nothing.

Out-Numbered – I know that look. It means you’re thinking one of two things.

Daughter – Oh yea? What would those be?

Out-Numbered – You’re either thinking, “how the hell am I gonna fit all of my clothes in that tiny dresser… OR… “Where is the bathroom?”

Silence. I see her eyes well up with tears. She tries to look away.

Out-Numbered – Baby, what’s the matter?

She starts to cry. I put my arms around her.

Out-Numbered – It’s OK pal. It’s OK.

Daughter – I don’t think I want to be here.

Out-Numbered – Don’t be silly baby. You’ve been looking forward to this forever. Why the sudden change of heart?

Daughter – I don’t know. The room is so small. There’s no bathroom in here. I don’t know where I’m gonna put all my clothes.

Out-Numbered – HA! I knew it.

Daughter – Dad, stop it. I’m serious.

We both sit down on the bed on the right side of the room.

Out-Numbered – It’s not that bad sweetheart. Look at the bright side.

Daughter – What?

Out-Numbered – You just got to pick which bed you want.

Daughter – Great. Like it makes a difference.

Out-Numbered – I’m teasing. You still can’t take a joke.

Daughter – I’m serious.

Out-Numbered – Can I tell you something?

Daughter – Not if you’re going to be stupid.

Out-Numbered – Give me some credit over here.

Daughter – Fine.

Out-Numbered – I know you think I’m like 1,000 years old and I embarrass you in front of your friends but it wasn’t that long ago that my parents dropped me off at college.

Daughter – That was like 50 years ago.

Out-Numbered – 32. It was 32 years ago, smart ass.

Daughter – I’m just kidding Dad. You still can’t take a joke.

Out-Numbered – Good one.

I hand her a tissue from my front pocket. I had been saving it for myself.

Out-Numbered – What I was going to say is… I know it’s not really the size of the room or the bathroom. It’s OK to feel scared. You’re starting over. You’re away from home for the first time. I felt the same way and I remember it didn’t hit me until I walked into my dorm room. It wasn’t real until my parents walked out the door.

Daughter – It’s different for a girl.

Out-Numbered – Maybe a little bit but trust me when I say, I know what you’re feeling. Do you remember when you were just a little girl? I used to say to you, “You don’t have to tell me everything but you can tell me anything.”

Daughter – Yes. You would tell me that like every day.

Out-Numbered – Well I’m gonna tell you something right now. I didn’t want to say it because I didn’t want to start crying like a baby, in front of my baby.

Daughter – Please don’t start crying.

Out-Numbered – I’ll try my hardest. I promise. I’m scared too.

Daughter – What do you mean?

Out-Numbered – I’m terrified.

Daughter – Why?

Out-Numbered – I’m terrified because I don’t want to walk out that door and leave you here. I’m terrified because I haven’t been without you for more than a week at a time. I’m terrified because I know you’re terrified that I’m terrified.

Daughter – Dad that was like five terrifieds. I think it’s a world’s record.

Out-Numbered – Hey, now I’m trying to be serious here.

Daughter – Sorry.

Out-Numbered – All I’m trying to say is that it’s normal to feel scared about this. You’re doing something for the first time. You’re not a little kid any more and that’s just crazy to me. I’m so proud of you for choosing this school. I’m just blown away by the woman you’ve become and I know that you’ll do more than just fine because you’re so much better than me at this stuff and if I was able to do it 50 years ago, than you my dear, are going rock this thing.

Daughter – I guess so.

Out-Numbered – This isn’t a guessing game baby. I know so.

Daughter – Thanks Dad.

Out-Numbered – I love you baby. You’re gonna love college. Best time of your life. Soak it up. Embrace the day. Carpe Diem!

Daughter – What the hell does that mean?

Out-Numbered – Carpe Diem means Seize the day. Robin Williams made it up.

Daughter – Who is she?

Out-Numbered – She? C’mon. Mork from Ork?


Out-Numbered – Forget it.

Daughter – Where’s Mom?

Out-Numbered – Who knows? She went to the school store to get your sister a sweatshirt or something.

Daughter – I feel bad for her.

Out-Numbered – Your sister? Why is that?

Daughter – Because she has to deal with you all by herself now.

Out-Numbered – You know you’ll miss me.

Daughter – Maybe a little.

Out-Numbered – You know what else you’re gonna miss?

Daughter – Your bald head and your lame jokes?

Out-Numbered – No, dummy.

Daughter – What?

Out-Numbered – T-H-E ……. TICKLE MONSTER!!!!!!

I tickle her like I did when she was a kid. She still has the same laugh. I close my eyes and pretend we’re on the den floor. She’s 8 years old again.


Sometimes when I’m tired at the end of the day, I daydream on the train ride home.

My baby girl is turning 8 this summer. I want to freeze her and make the time stop. I want to keep her just like she is now.



Naive to the atrocities of the world that exist outside of our suburban bubble.

She’s gonna leave one day and I can’t stop her. I have to live in the moment. In the second.

Cryogenics is not the most practical of solutions.

Sometimes the daydreams are vivid, like a Neil Simon play yet to be written. I always cry at Neil Simon plays.

Why do I always have tissues in my daydreams but never when I’m on the train?



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