We Don't Need No Stinking Boy

Posted by: , June 28, 2010 in 10:26 am


I have two daughters and one wife.

outnumbered35 We Don't Need No Stinking BoyThat is why this blog is called Out-Numbered.

Get it?

I want to make something perfectly clear to all of the people, past, present or future that will inevitably ask my wife and I if we’re going to try for a boy.

NO FUCKING WAY!

We are 100%, completely and utterly content with what we have. We consider ourselves blessed to have had two healthy, beautiful girls that fill our lives with love, laughter and hope.

We also can’t imagine having another child.

These two healthy, beautiful girls that fill our lives with love, laughter and hope are also a colossal pain in the rump roast. We’d have to be out of our collective tree to even consider another child.

Let alone a boy.

When our first daughter was born, I hadn’t even considered the fact that we might be having a girl. I didn’t think it was possible. I’m not sure why my brain worked that way.

I remember the day she was born, one of my friends said to me…

“Dude, when you have a boy, you only have to worry about one dick. When you have a girl, you have to worry about 100 dicks.”

I remember pausing for a moment to contemplate this wisdom that had been put forth before me. I pictured 100 teenage boners lined up outside of my daughter’s window. I imagined smashing each one of those boners with an aluminum baseball bat. Kind of like that game “Wack A Mole” but with boners.

This is how men think before they have girls.

When my daughter was still less than a year old, my Grandmother said something to me as I held my daughter. I’ll always remember what she told me, for it is her words that completely sum up the simple but divine truth about having a daughter.

“There is nothing quite as wonderful, as the smile a little girl smiles, for her Daddy.”

These are the words that best describe the gifts that I get daily from my daughters.

I have often searched for a way to explain how these smiles make me feel inside. Lately, I have been experiencing a certain physical sensation that sums it up completely.

Have you ever felt yourself starting to cry but just as your eyes well up, that feeling is met with the perfect synchronicity of inexplicable joy?

I suppose this is called, “Tears of Joy” and my tears of joy could fill a well right about now.

I don’t worry about the boners anymore. There’s nothing I can do about them. But my daughters bring out the best in me.

They make me want to be a better man; Every day, every week, every year, for the rest of my life.

They say that a girl always marries a guy just like her Dad.

If this is true, then I have a lifetime of work to do.

I can’t control the boners but I can hopefully influence which ones they choose to hold on to.
Fuck. That totally wasn’t what I was trying to say…

Just to be clear, I am not claiming that having a daughter is better than having a son. I have no way of knowing what it’s like to have a son but I know I am a son and I can’t be half as awesome as my daughters have been. They also say that you should have a daughter first. This way you know that she will take care of you when you are old, drooling and your wrinkled ass is hanging out of you nursing home gown. Supposedly the sons just take off and go wherever the pussy goes. Who knows? This is what I have heard.

outnumbered


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  1. Rosemary Morrison on June 15th, 2010 6:30 pm

    As always, your post is awesome! Thanks!

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