Halloween Costumes I Hate

Posted by: , October 21, 2010 in 11:49 am

stark. raving. mad. mommy._ As Seen OnI know. I have become all crotchety and grumpity and stabbity, like Andy Rooney jacked up on way too much coffee. But y’all? The Halloween craziness is just. too. much.

During my lifetime, Halloween has gone from bed sheet ghosts and cardboard box robots to this: Kids “Mac Daddy Pimp” costue.  Really.  No, really. I swear.

cache Halloween Costumes I HateOh, yes. That is a pimp costume. For a boy. Sizing starts at size 6.

The saddest part is that this is not limited to a single costume sold by one sketchy online Halloween store. These kids’ pimp costumes are everywhere, available with cheetah trim or zebra trim.

Pro tip: when shopping for a costume for your six-year-old son, be aware that the pimp cane and pimp hat are always sold separately.

Obviously, if your son is rocking the pimp costume, you’ll want your precious little princess to be parading through the neighborhood in something like this:

8685 large Halloween Costumes I Hate

Girl’s “Saloon Girl” Costume. (Wait, isn’t that the same thing as a hooker?)

Wait, was that one too subtle?

CH00596 Halloween Costumes I Hate

How about this instead?

Child’s “French Maid” Costume. From the Vladimir Nabokov collection.


And while the kids are dressing inappropriately as grown-ups, the moms can dress inappropriately as kids:

“Sassy Cookie Monster Costume.”   Oh, Sesame Street.

1000896 69931W A 400 Halloween Costumes I Hate

First Katy Perry and now this? Is nothing sacred?

Anyway, I *totally* was going to get this until I realized the thigh-highs would dig into my leg fat the cookie is not included.

And of course, a little something for the dads:

wheres waldo costume kit Halloween Costumes I Hate

“Where’s Waldo?” Costume.

There’s actually nothing inappropriate about this costume.

So why is it still freaking me out?

Of course, a review of disturbing Halloween costumes would be nothing without the international human trafficking conglomerate toy shillers known as Bratz: “Bratz Cowgirlz Costume.”

There are so many reasons I hate Bratz.

This is just one of them.

882960 Halloween Costumes I Hate

R883555 Halloween Costumes I Hate

Girls’ “Bratz Bratty Doctor” Costume.

What. The. Hell.  She looks like she can prescribe her own roofie.

Girl’s “Bratz Fashion Emergency Bratty Nurse” Costume.  Another Career Day winner.

Assuming Career Day features standard fetishes.

217010683 Halloween Costumes I Hate

Girls’ “Bratz Bratty Red Riding Hood” Costume.

60951 large Halloween Costumes I HateBratz has several “Storybook Sweethearts” costumes to choose from:

Bratty Bo-Peep, Bratty Miss Muffet, and Bratty Goldilocks are also available.

And yes, they *all* look like they have some corners to work on the way to Grandma’s house.

Girls’ “Bratz Major Flirt” Costume. Speaking as a former member of the United States Army, this costume makes me want to kick the CEO of MGA Entertainment in the junk.

R882033 Halloween Costumes I Hate


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