Not So Fast

Posted by: , January 16, 2011 in 7:00 pm


traffic Not So Fast“Oh fudge and fruit-loops!” I said as I pulled the van into a parking lot.  “I am being pulled over. Crap!” I said watching the police car pull in behind me with lights flashing, alerting all the passers by that yes, this really is a crazy mini-van mom driver.  I hoped that my luck was not going to run out. I had been pulled over a couple other times for speeding and had gotten off with just a warning.

Once had been on Mother’s Day and the cop didn’t want to ruin my ‘special day’ and the other time I was speeding to get home with a van full of screaming kids.  I think we scared the cop and he just wanted to go back to his car because the noise was enough to rise zombies from the dead. Heck, I was kind of wishing to be arrested just to get away from all the screaming.

So I had been lucky. I thought that this thing could go either way, I would get lucky a third time or this was the time I would get a ticket.

I glanced at myself in the mirror and then looked down at my shirt. Yup, this was the time that I was going to get a ticket. No make-up, hair wind blown, raggedy tee shirt and just a normal bra, not a wonder bra like I normally wear. I was a hot mess.

“Evening. Do you know why I stopped you tonight?” The cop ask after what seemed like an eternity of sitting in his patrol car.

“Yeah, I was probably going too fast. But I am in a hurry. It’s past the kids bedtime and I need to get home.” I said, hoping that at that moment my kids would burst out crying or whining and the cop would take pity on me.

The cop looked at me, took my license and registration and walked back to his car.

“Who dat? Who is that man? What is that, Mommy? all three little kids chimed in from the back seat.

“That was a police man. Mommy was just going too fast and the police man stopped mommy to tell mommy to slow down.” I said explaining.

‘Er in trouble, mommy?” Claire asked.

“Well, mommy didn’t follow the rules and went too fast so yeah, I am in trouble.” I answered.

As we waited for the cop to come back, the conversation turned to other random things that the kids wanted to know about and soon we weren’t talking about the cop or speeding at all. Just normal random conversations about rockets and pink sea fish.

Finally after taking way too long and making us lose all the time that I saved by speeding down the road, the cop returned with my ticket. We exchanged pleasantries and I was free to go.

I put the car in gear and slowly made my way through the parking lot. When it was time, I signaled and turned out onto the road. As I stepped on the gas, forcing the van to get up to speed, Jake screamed at me,

“MOMMY, NO! TOO FAST! YOU SLOW DOWN!!”

“Jake,” I said trying to calm him, ” I am not going too fast. I am going the speed limit.”

“NO, MOMMY! TOO FAST! I TELL POLICE.” he screamed again.

“Fine.” I said, “I will just go the actual speed limit. So much for ten over.”

Little narc.


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