Preschool Volunteering from Hell

Posted by: , January 16, 2011 in 12:57 pm

preschool chaos 1024x697 Preschool Volunteering from HellI am not even sure how it happened but there I was hiding under the table, fearing for my life, the other adult in the room was no where to be seen and the children had completely taken over. It was like a scene in the movies… Paint that was meant for paper was being painted on bodies as a sign of war. Books were being ripped apart. Fire truckers were being zoomed around the room taking off any toes that crossed their path.

Battles were being waged over dress up clothes. Toy animals were used as weapons and being throw across the room. Wrestling matches were happening in the toy house.

This was chaos.

It was anarchy.

The adults had completely lost control.

I don’t really know how this happened. The morning had started out as any other. I got up, got the kids dressed, fed them and took them to school. The only thing different was that it was my day to volunteer in the preschool classroom.

In the preschool that the triplet’s attend, they keep tuition fees low by having parents agree to a certain number of volunteer days per year per child. It comes out to about six times during the school year. It’s really not bad.

When I signed the triplets up for preschool, I was happy about this. I had always said that one of the reasons that I wanted to work part-time was to be able to help out in the kid’s school and here preschool was giving me my first chance.

I was nervous when our first turn came around. I was actually so nervous that I made Jeff take the first day.

When our turn came up again, I was still nervous but a pep talk from Jeff was all I needed and off I went.

I expected the worst but actually it was kind of fun. I liked helping the children make different crafts and review their letters. It was so cute to here them sing their song about grey squirrel’s bushy little tail. I was a hero when I brought juice boxes for snack instead of making them drink water.

So when my turn came a third time to volunteer, I didn’t even give it a second thought. And to be honest, I actually looked forward to it.

On this morning, my own children gave me no warning that this day would be different then any other but when we walked into the preschool room, I had a twinge in my stomach that made me wonder.

There was my first mistake. I should have listened to my instincts and hightailed it out of there but instead, I took my seat at the craft table and began to help the kids with their ‘H’ project.

At first the kids were into the project even thought a few resisted but unbeknownst to me all hell was about to break out.

It started out simple enough with ten or eleven kids trying to get their teacher’s attention, “MISS SALLY MISS SALLY MISS SALLY!” Now I am used to multiple kids trying to get an adult’s (usually me) attention at once but this was unreal.

Two boys began zooming fire trucks around the room, sirens blazing.

Then another set of boys began to fight over a dress up costume yanking and pulling to costume to the breaking point.

Next two girls began to play house but they were “talking like moms and dads” aka yelling at the top of their lungs.

Miss Sally tried to quiet the children down but as soon as the children realized that she no longer had control, it was all over. The gates of hell opened and the sane children I had colored with just hours earlier were gone and the room was now filled with hyped up, cracked out on sugar child-like demons.

When Miss Sally retreated to the corner of the room in the fetal position, I knew all was lost… the fifteen children in the room had figured out that we were totally outnumbered.

And that was when I ran for cover under the little table.

I watched the chaos ensue.

I was terrified.

I had no idea what I was suppose to do.

I looked up to the heavens for help but all I saw was the clock.

The clock!

It was then that I knew what needed to be done. I screwed my courage to my sticking place and stood up from the table.

I bobbed and weaved threw the toy animals flying threw the air.

I shucked and jived through the children painting each other.

I jumped up and pulled a mid air splits, a move I used to do as a cheerleader, to avoid the toe eating fire trucks.

Finally, I was near Miss Sally. I sat her up on the chair, shoved the weather bear in her lap because for some reason that bear hold magical powers that will make the most unruly child be still so that they can talk about the weather and I ran out the door for the parents.

“Ok, Miss Sally’s class is ready from the moms,” I said trying not control my breathing and settle myself even though in my head I was screaming, “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, COME AND PICK UP YOUR CHILDREN!”

The clock had shown me the way, it was time to return each and every one of the children, who of course where sitting quietly talking about the weather, home.

Next time is totally Jeff’s turn as the preschool volunteer.

I am going to need the rest of the school year to recover.


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