A Mother's Day Round Up

Posted by: , May 10, 2012 in 5:32 pm


belly A Mother's Day Round UpThis weekend is Mother’s Day. For my beautiful sister, it’s her first Mother’s Day as a mom. She’s very visibly pregnant, due in July. While my sister hasn’t given birth yet, she is now “officially” a mom, because she’s already experienced the very special joy that is Being Judged.

This week some asshat neighbor made her cry by yelling “No Coke! No Coke! Bad for Baby!” at her, as my already-hormonal sister carried her one Diet Coke of the day to work.

Ah, the irrelevant judgment  of an irrelevant person. Welcome to motherhood! You are now one of us, my dear! Also, now you know why so many moms adore that Cee Lo Green song.
To celebrate your official induction (get it?) into motherhood, I give you these:
Words of wisdom from my pal who writes Pregnant Chicken. Her posts about artificial sweeteners, diet soda, and caffeine will re-assure you and also make you pee laughing. Of course, I realize that with a baby kicking your bladder all day, it doesn’t take much. But really, anyone who writes like this:
A safe average daily intake has been set at around 20 cans of aspartame-sweetened beverage or about 100 sachets of tabletop sweetener for a 150lb (70 kg ) person and that is considered conservative. “Can I interest you in a bathtub of Fresca, Madam?”
or this:
I think every pregnant woman should be issued a large metal shovel to silence these advice people but, back to caffeine.
should be part of any pregnant mom’s daily reading.
Helpful advice from Rebekah at Being Pregnant, who just wrote up 6 Ways to Make Life With a Newborn Easier. See, asshat neighbor? THIS is how you offer suggestions.
Knowledge that motherhood is not a competition and not everyone is going to judge you. Rants from Mommyland is busy packing up Mother’s Day gifts for mothers in domestic violence shelters right this very minute. That’s the kind of awesomeness moms create. And Lydia posted this photo of herself, which just goes to show you how fun motherhood is going to be.
stickers A Mother's Day Round Up
Lydia’s toddler put these stickers on her without Lydia really noticing.
And then she walked around town like this.
Speaking of awkward photos, we should totally start planning right now some awkward sister/cousin photos to submit to Awkward Family Photos. In the mean time, here’s Happy (Awkward) Mother’s Day! so we can get some ideas and start shopping for matching awkward outfits for ourselves and our kids. I’m thinking maybe something like this:
Showgirls A Mother's Day Round Up
We can so rock the hats-and-gloves look.
Revenge. The only way to deal with your Judgey McJudgeypants neighbor is to just freak her the hell out at every turn. Some suggestions: you should start leaving the house with a 12-pack of Diet Coke every morning, wave to your neighbor and explain that the caffeine is really helping you wean off the meth.
Take a big swig and mention that without the Coke, the Captain Morgan really tastes like crap.
Then rub your belly and announce happily, “BABY LOVES COKE!”
Then, when the baby comes, we’ll walk around with these:
dietcokebottle A Mother's Day Round Up
“But I am breastfeeding. I pumped and this is what came out.”
Also, I’m thinking that newborn-size poopy diapers, when rolled and taped, might be the exact same circumference of your neighbor’s car’s tailpipe.
An alternate idea is that I can fly out and kick your neighbor in the taco for making you cry. What else are big sisters for?
Laughter. Of course, you can ignore my ideas and just giggle over the Live Tweets from a Mother’s Day Brunch post by Noa Gavin on NickMom. I’m still chuckling over the #Iwinatmothersday hashtag. (Oh yeah, if you want to read my stuff on NickMom, I also had Top 9 Gifts I Gave My Mom That I Would Never Want, and Top 9 Mother’s Day TV Specials I’d Like to See.)
Happy Mother’s Day, sis.
And happy Mother’s Day to all the mamas out there who read my nonsense. For one day, may your children not bicker, may no one get a stomach virus, and may someone else change all the diapers.
xoxo

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