stories

The Family Bed

Posted by: , February 1, 2015 in 1:59 pm

family bedParenthood, like politics, is a completely partisan endeavor. George Lakoff, the Linguistics Professor who wrote “Moral Politics,” says that Republicans are like paternalistic, tough-love, corporal punishment-doling dads who think their kids should act responsibly and pull themselves up by their own boot straps, and never ever ask anyone for a hand-out, and that Democrats on the other hand are like compassionate, gentle, earth-mothering moms

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The Rush

Posted by: , December 12, 2014 in 2:23 pm

Beth NavarroI had a dream the other night.

I’m driving on the freeway. For some reason that’s faded away I have my seatbelt off. Suddenly I stop. I see a mess of cars behind me not stopping. There is an impact. I fly up, no glass breaking, just up. I know death is imminent. My cell phone appeared in my hand. I looked. No more phone contacts, it said. This somehow confirmed my death. Then I, in my now my soul form, am on the side of the road. I see three people carefully moving my body. It looks awkward and limp. Odd. Very weekend at Bernie without the sunglasses and without humor. My eyes won’t close. They look milky. “They won’t close because she wants to see them one last time,” one of them said. And I know she’s right. That’s why they won’t close. I need to see Love Monster and Smirker one last time, but I can’t.

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R.I.E.: Another day, Another Parenting Theory

Posted by: , January 24, 2014 in 5:02 pm

baby tie2Another day, another parenting theory. You know when you hear the words “Currently taking Hollywood parents by storm” that it’s going to be a good one. And by good I mean one that might involve chewing your child’s food first for them or something like that. This one? It’s based on the book “Baby Knows Best”, a new parenting style, where the babies are not treated like babies, but like adults. R.I.E., or Resources for Infant Educarers. R.I.E. Parenting? I Prefer M.O.M. or D.A.D.

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A Pitch for Motherhood

Posted by: , September 6, 2013 in 9:14 pm

misbehaving childrenA friend of mine joked, “You guys really don’t sell it,” when a couple other moms and I talked about parenthood. It got me thinking. We don’t. We (Especially us mom bloggers) actually talk about the shit part A LOT.

Now I’m going to sell it. At least I’m going to give it shot. Here it goes….

Take off the dirt.

Take out boogers.

The tantrums.

The fight for independence (I am here! Yes I heard you the first time.)

The door slams.

The nagging.

The neediness.

The hair pulls.

The constant worry.

The scrapes.

The puke

The poop.

The pee.

The spit.

The eye boogers and neck crust.

The sleeplessness.

The crumb covered floors.

The ruined upholstery. The nicked furniture.

The marked walls. (Again, I am here.)

The amazing ability to impersonate a drunk, homeless person

 

And you are left with pure light

Love

Genius

Curiosity, strength

They are the heart outside your body. Raw and vulnerable. Scary and beautiful.

It is your do-over.

They are perfect.

They are you.

That time they wouldn’t eat their pizza because it wasn’t completely covered in pepperoni and they cried all through dinner balling up the pizza into an unrecognizable ball of mush? They just want to be seen.

They are all that is good. All that is possible.

Another human being to learn the reason for our lives—to connect, to love and be loved,     to learn different is what makes this world perfect, to find they are amazing individually, but we only work together.

They will fit you better then your favorite sweater to quote Lana Del Rey.

And the love…. The love and joy is better then a first kiss or peanut butter and chocolate.

This culmination of cells and blood is yours. And you know they are yours because they are your reflection. Even the parts you don’t want to see. They teach you everyday if you listen and watch. They challenge you. They push every button you have. Do not struggle. Surrender and they will be your life preserver. They will make you better then you ever could be without them.

Yes it’s your job to raise them to be exceptional human beings, but they teach you the meaning of life. And also how to burp and fart at the same time. And how to draw a unicorn and how to dress however you damn well please.

Here’s the kicker.

You can’t have the:

Middle of the night snuggles

The messy kisses

The moment they read a book themselves

The heart stopping beautiful way they sleep

The odd breakfasts in bed

The dance parties

The belly busting laughs

The homemade cards

The times they look at you with eyes from the future that say You are doing a good job with me, please don’t cry.

The absolute unconditional love

And more

And more

And on

And on

You can’t have any of that without… The shit we bloggers blog about.

 

 

A Royal Pain, In the Class

Posted by: , August 29, 2013 in 8:42 pm

prince george2Prince George has arrived. From the moment it was announced that Prince William’s wife Kate was expecting their first child, and third-in-line-for-the-throne-heir, many moms and the media have struggled to find commonalities between their new baby experience, and everyone else’s.

The thing is, there’s nothing common about Kate’s life, anymore. From having to appear in front of millions of people one day after she gave birth, being subjected to comments and criticism about her outfits, the way they positioned the baby in the car seat, and whether or not her real prince will be one in the diaper changing department, Kate will experience everything a new mom goes through, but with a royal spin.

For instance, Kate, like most women post-partum, will find that much of her hair will likely fall out during the first few months after giving birth. However, unlike most new moms, she could buy Detroit (and maybe BlackBerry) with the money she would make selling it on eBay. She’ll also have the services of a royal hairdresser to keep her perfectly coiffed at all times. Do most new moms even know where they put that hairbrush down? (Check the fridge.) One suspects Kate will also have time to shower everyday, something that also plagues her greasy haired counterparts.

But it’s not just during the infant and post-pregnancy stage where Kate will have different hurdles.  Everyday challenges a new mom faces will always have a slight variance for Kate, as the years go by.

Potty training days will bring new meaning to the term “sitting on the throne.”  And while most babies are congratulated for speaking their first word, the first royal wave will also have to be celebrated.  Come birthday time, George asking for a pony will likely be a little redundant.

For William, “Bring your child to work day”, which doesn’t typically happen until the child is 14, will need to begin pre-planning now due to the security detail involved.  And there’s really no point to Baby Wales taking Daddy in for Career Day, as no other kid in the class will be able to aspire to have the same “Next in line for the throne” job.

Instead of sitting in line for hours to sign their child up for swimming lessons, they will have to spend hours interviewing the Royal Swim Instructor.  Likewise the Royal Soccer Coach, Royal T-Ball Trainer and Royal Lice Remover.  Should their child get lice, they can force everyone around them to cut off their hair. This, history tells us, is a vast improvement over ordering a whole head to be cut off.  And do you want to be the Teacher that has to tell Kate her son thinks that HE is running the class? (He is, shhhh.)

But I think the biggest parenting challenge Kate will face, that none of us have to (although some of us surrender to), is via Prince George’s predetermined career path.  Technically, and hierarchically, he is literally, The Boss of Her.

Our Infant is Not an Adult

Posted by: , May 5, 2013 in 6:44 pm

My husband has some trouble sleeping.  Sometimes, he wakes up in the middle of the night and just cannot fall back asleep.  He heads downstairs, watches TV, plays guitar, and reads the paper for a few hours until he finally gets tired again and passes out on the couch.  He is 39.

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The Bliss of the Flu

Posted by: , January 24, 2013 in 1:41 pm

really tired mom The Bliss of the FluI remember it so well. It was the winter of 2005. Chuck and I were renting an apartment together (“shacking up” as my mother called it). Out of nowhere, I got the flu.

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My Vow to be Lazier

Posted by: , January 12, 2013 in 2:09 pm

really tired mom2 300x182 My Vow to be LazierAs I drag myself through my days on only an ounce of sleep, I realized something:  we live in a screwed up culture over here in America. We are constantly telling each other to go easy on ourselves…to find “me time”…to take care of ourselves, yet…we continue not to. Why?

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No News is Good News

Posted by: , November 28, 2012 in 3:25 pm

the news 300x212 No News is Good News“Hey be careful with that toe of yours”, I said to my 10 year old son as he attempted to cut his toenail with what appeared to be medieval pinking shears, “I grew it for you, after all”, I said.  He looked over at me and said “Really? All you did was eat.”, and then added “That’s not so hard.”

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Halloween: Is It Over Yet?

Posted by: , November 8, 2012 in 4:06 am

snow 300x225 Halloween: Is It Over Yet?I was going to post some Hurricane Sandy photos for my first “welcome back to power and its modern conveniences” but instead this is fluffy snow covering my jack-o’-lanterns and mums.  I took the picture tonight, right after we got back from trick or treating.

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